A.C. Brooke
A Message to my viewers
As summer was coming to a close back in 2020, I was certain every possible disruptive thing that would happen that year had already transpired. But on the 29th of that month, life would be upended yet again while sitting on the edge of my parents’ bed when I had my first flashback. At the utterance of two words, I felt a complete severance of self as I lost bodily autonomy and started to cry and shake uncontrollably with no understanding as to why.
A few days prior, I had seen something that brought forth the memory of a memory: something bad had happened to me in very early childhood–I could recall that now–but I still couldn’t unearth what that something was. In my head there was a room that had been overlooked before, and in that room was a thing I was scared to get too close to: “the box”.
I started seeing a psychologist shortly after that, and in the coming weeks as details surrounding the event seemed to emerge and I became more literate in the nature of the body’s relationship with trauma, I came to find that this abstract experience I assumed had rendered me an anomaly was actually fairly on par with survivors of childhood abuse.
Looking for answers, I scoured the internet in a desperate attempt to make sense of my newfound reality. There was validation in reading research articles and psychological journals talking about the brain’s fascinating way of coping with trauma, but save for the anonymous posts found in online support groups, public personal narratives to take comfort in were essentially nonexistent. My hope is for Paper Birds to change that. There’s a deep rooted stigma tied to recovered memories that stops survivors from coming forward about their experiences, and further induces feelings of confusion and self-blame. Change starts with conversation, and conversation can only happen if we have the courage to speak up and share our stories. I’m hoping by sharing mine, others out there will find solace in knowing that not only are they not alone, but you can heal even in the absence of answers.
Project Paper Birds 