Project Paper Birds

***Clip originally posted on YouTube in 2022

“Trauma—specifically recovered memories of trauma—and transference is a big theme in our documentary, and that’s because my relationship with my oldest niece, Evelyn, has held a big part in all of this. She’s been the subject of my worst nightmares, and her wellbeing the source of my anxiety. And ultimately, I, as well as the specialist I’ve seen, have come to the conclusion that our bond likely contributed to “remembering” something had happened in the first place. I really love the dialogue in this piece with Rooted Lancaster so I’m going to let it speak for itself. But before closing out, I want to end with an anecdote: A year ago, I was talking about all of this with my sister at her place. It was one of those days where feelings were particularly high. Often its random but that day I knew it had something to do with my nieces new haircut. She’d got a hold of a pair of scissors a few days prior, one thing led to another and she now had a bob—the same cut I had when I was her age. When I looked at her, I I felt gross an empty an isolated. While abruptly packing up my things to leave, my sister was able to calm me down and to start thinking more rationally. Eventually though I’d asked Kristina (who’s had her own share of hardship) if her daughters made her sad. She gave me a weird look and told me no, they didn’t. When I asked why, she said that she doesn’t dwell on her past, but rather focuses on giving her girls all the good parts of it and more. It was little, but it helped change my perspective. I like the idea of deciding to take the pain of the past and use it as inspiration to do better in the future—that’s how I’ve looked at this whole documentary process. I’m still on medication. I still get nightmares. I still have my days of utter hopelessness (just last week I was telling my mom how I saw no future for myself). But while working on this project, I’ve also found more self-assurance, validation and meaning. If it’s always going to be with us in one way or another, then why not also decide to make it work in our favor, you know?”